Picking Up the Pieces
by Faulty Cameras
Summary: Sequel to Not Falling Apart. Seth and Summer's lives have been changed dramatically by recent events, their family torn apart. They have to try and overcome everything, to make their relationship as it once was.
1. So Sorry

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to The OC.

A/N-Yea, I lied about when I said I was waiting to post this until I finished a different story. I started to write this and I kind of loved it, so I just finished it. Hopefully everyone likes it too! Thanks to Meg for editing for me!

* * *

Seth was having a good sleep, something that had been next to nonexistent in his life for the past few months. He had actually not been woken up by any dreams that night and had been sleeping soundly.

That was until he was awoke by someone poking him repeatedly and calling out to him.

"What?" he groaned, opening his eyes to see Emma and a sobbing Madeleine standing next to his bed. He sat up quickly. "What happened?"

"She had another nightmare Daddy," Emma replied. "And then she came in my bed. And she wouldn't stop crying."

Seth took his three year old daughter into his arms, trying to comfort her. He looked at Emma, who looked annoyed at her little sister.

"I'm sorry Em. Thank you for trying to take care of her though."

The eight year old looked back at her father's tired and worn face. "It's okay Daddy. I don't mind too much."

"Madeleine are you ready to go back to your own bed?" Seth looked at her as the tears had now stopped.

She shook her head, sticking her thumb into her mouth. Seth sighed, realizing that she was probably going to insist on sleeping there for the night.

"Fine Madeleine, you can stay in here," Seth said.

"Can I stay too Daddy?" Emma asked.

"Hop on in."

Seth watched them climb into the empty spot that was next to him. He noticed how much room he still had despite his two daughters being in his bed. It wasn't supposed to be like that. There wasn't supposed to be extra space. He missed the times when there wasn't. He wanted those times back.

* * *

Seth woke up and began his usual morning routine of getting up before the girls and making them breakfast. Just as he went to go and get them, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

Silence was met on the other end. He instantly knew who it was.

"Summer? Summer, please don't hang up," he pleaded. "Please talk to me."

Nothing. He could hear her breathing though, he knew she was still there.

"Sum, please. Please, come home," he whispered.

Nothing more was heard, not even her breathing. He realized that she had hung up on him once again. He slammed the phone down on the counter, unable to control his anger.

He just wanted her to come home. He missed her, Emma and Madeleine missed her, everyone missed her. He just needed to get through to her. He was pretty certain that was never going to happen.

He leaned against the wall. So much had happened to them in three years. Too much had happened. It had been going so well for a year, at least. Then everything started to go downhill.

He wished it hadn't. He wanted her back. He didn't want to have an empty spot in bed next to him every night. He missed her smile in the morning and her being there to help him.

He looked at the clock, realizing he didn't have another minute to waste. He had to get the girls up so they could get ready.

He walked up the stairs and was surprised to see Emma already up, prancing around in a tutu with fairy wings attached to her back. He had seen his daughters make some weird fashion choices before when he let them pick out their outfits, but this one really took the cake.

"Emma, what are you wearing?" he questioned.

"It's Halloween Daddy!" she exclaimed. "I get to wear my costume at school today and then for when we go trick or treating tonight."

Right. Halloween. A holiday he had forgotten existed. He didn't even remember buying Emma that costume, let alone Madeleine having one.

"Em, how did you get that?"

"Aunt Taylor got it for me."

"She got one for Madeleine right?"

"Of course. She figured that you would forget. She also said that we would all go out trick or treating with Josh and Molly."

"Good thing Taylor exists."

"That's what she said!"

"I'm going to go get your sister, you can go downstairs if you want."

"Okay. Come on Lilly." Seth looked at the dog and just noticed that she was wearing something similar to Emma. He shook his head, then continued to get Madeleine, who he found still asleep in his bed.

"Madeleine, time to get up," he said to her.

"Noooo."

He smiled slightly at her; she was always reluctant to get up in the mornings. Emma would sometimes be awake before him, but never Madeleine. She took after Summer's sleeping habits.

"Come on. Today's Halloween. Emma's already got her costume on."

"Nooo, I hurt."

Seth looked at his daughter, slightly alarmed. "What hurts?"

"My tummy," she replied, sitting up. Her brown curly hair was a mess and her cheeks were flushed red.

He sighed, realizing that she had probably caught what Emma had the week before. That was a relief-until he realized that it meant he had to take off work once again. His boss was going to kill him but he would have to understand that there was no way he could leave Madeleine with anyone for the day. She was attached to Seth; it was difficult enough to get her to daycare everyday.

"Do you want to go in your bed?"

Madeleine shook her head, lying back against his pillows. "No."

He nodded his head. He somehow had to manage getting Emma to school, call his boss, call Taylor to tell her about the apparent change of plans for the night, and make sure Madeleine was all right. Well, this was going to be a fun start to do the day.

* * *

Seth sat back in his chair, looking up from the television at Madeleine. She was sleeping soundly on the couch now, having fallen asleep after watching a Care Bear movie.

He hadn't moved from this spot. He couldn't help but be paranoid about her. So much had happened with her, he was always going to be looking out for her.

His eyes fell on a family portrait. It was taken when Madeleine was still a baby. The pictures all around the house were of happy times. Everyone of them that had Summer in them had her smiling and happy. He liked that. He didn't like to think of her the way she had been when she left. She had been so different then. He didn't like to think of it and yet he still did.

* * *

_Seth brought his hand up to the door knob to open it up. He had flowers in his hand. He wasn't sure how flowers were going to make anything better, but it was their anniversary-he needed to give her something, even though he doubted that she would remember._

_When he walked into their bedroom, he saw her packing clothes into a bag. For some reason this didn't shock him at all. He had a feeling lately that she was going to be going somewhere for a while-after all he had contacted her father a week before, telling him to ask her to stay with him for a while._

"_Happy Anniversary," he said softly, handing her the flowers._

_Summer looked at Seth. He noted how different she seemed to be. She wasn't the same cheerful Summer. He missed that Summer but he certainly hadn't been cheerful either, recent events in their lives didn't really allow for that._

"_So you're leaving then?"_

_She nodded her head, throwing the flowers on the bed and placing another shirt in her bag._

"_I think it's good that you're going to see your dad. How long are you going for? A week?"_

"_I'm not going to see my dad."_

"_Uh, where are you going then?"_

"_I don't know Seth. I just need to get away. Away from everything. I can't stay here anymore. At least not for now. With everything that has happened…"_

"_Y-you're leaving me? And Emma and Madeleine? You're just going to leave everything behind? Not come back to us?"_

"_I need to Seth. You don't understand-"_

"_Like hell I don't understand. This hasn't been happening only to you. I've been there through everything. It's affected me a lot too but it doesn't mean that I'm going to up and leave my family who needs me!"_

"_You have to understand that I need time alone to think about everything that's happened."_

"_I can help you Summer. I want to help you. I need you to help me."_

_She zipped the bag closed. "It's better this way."_

"_I don't understand how you leaving me is any fucking better!" _

_Summer didn't respond to him. She picked up the bag and started to walk out of the room downstairs. Seth followed closely behind her._

"_You're not even going to say goodbye to your daughters?!" Seth exclaimed, thinking of Emma and Madeleine playing up in Emma's bedroom. They loved their mother more than anything and now she was just going to leave them behind with no goodbye._

"_It'll make this too hard. I won't want to leave."_

"_Then stay."_

_She got into her car, throwing the bag next to her. Seth saw the tears in her eyes and somehow he found that he didn't care that she was hurting. She was hurting them more than anything else. She wasn't going to say goodbye to the girls, to him, to anyone. _

_He turned and walked back into the house after watching her pull away. He didn't know when or if he was ever going to see or talk to her again. _

* * *

The ringing of the phone pulled him out of his trance. He grabbed it and walked into the kitchen as he didn't want to wake Madeleine from her slumber.

"Hello?"

"Seth? You're home."

It was Summer again. This time she was talking. He sat down, surprised that she had actually said something to him.

After recovering from his shock he replied to her. "Yea, Madeleine's sick, I'm staying home with her."

"Is she all right?" He heard the alarm in her voice and was tempted to leave it that way, making her feel all the worry that he had been experiencing since she had left.

"It's just the stomach flu." He decided he wasn't going to let her worry.

"Oh."

"Why did you call if you know I wasn't going to be home?"

"I was going to leave a message for you guys. I…just wanted the girls to hear my voice." Her voice had become small and Seth knew that she wasn't going to be on much longer.

Still, that fact didn't make him refrain from commenting on what she was saying to him. "So now you want to talk to the girls? It's been nearly two months and all we've gotten is a few silent phone calls over that time, nothing else and now you want to talk to them?"

Seth heard her sigh into the phone. "Seth…"

"Is there anything you want me to tell them for you?"

"Can I talk to Madeleine? Please?"

Seth hesitated for a minute, thinking about giving in to her. God, he still loved her so much and would still do anything for her. He just didn't know if she deserved to.

"Dadddyyy." Madeleine started calling to him from the other room.

"I have to go. Madeleine is calling for me," he paused. "Don't call back unless you're deciding to come home."

He heard her sob and felt his heart break a little. "I'm so sorry but I can't. I can't come home yet."

He did one of the hardest things that he had done in a while and hung the phone up. He couldn't handle it.

"I'm sorry too," he whispered to the empty room.

He headed towards the living room, trying to compose himself as he did so. He had to be strong for Madeleine and for Emma. They needed someone after everything that had happened. He was the only one who seemed to be capable of doing so. He was going to make sure that didn't change.


	2. Your New Twin Sized Bed

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of The OC. Oh and I forgot to mention in the first chapter that each chapter title will be named after a song title. The first chapter was So Sorry by Feist and this is Your New Twin Sized Bed by Death Cab for Cutie.

A/N-Not too much to say really, just thanks to everyone who took the time to review the first chapter, I really appreciate it. Also, of course, thanks to Meg for editing for me.

* * *

Summer sat on her bed, holding the phone. She wanted to dial the numbers. She wanted so badly to do that.

She sighed, wondering if it was the right thing to do. She had been calling them for the past month, though she had yet to say anything to anyone. The other day Emma had picked up the phone. She had almost said something to her, she was about to tell her how much she missed her and loved her. She couldn't bring herself to do that though.

Maybe today she would do that. She looked at the clock and realized that they were probably all up, Seth getting them ready for the day. Maybe Emma would pick up the phone again and she could talk to her daughter.

She dialed the familiar number slowly and listened to it ring a few times. She was about to hang up when someone picked it up.

It was Seth.

She couldn't bring herself to say anything to him. She wanted to. There was so much she wanted to say to him. She couldn't though. She didn't find it possible to do so.

"Summer? Summer, please don't hang up."

She opened her mouth, then closed it again. She didn't know what to say. Just like every time she called and he picked up the phone. She never knew what to say to him.

"Sum, please. Please, come home."

The plea he gave her every time. She didn't want to hear it. She hung up the phone without a second thought.

She placed the phone on the table next to her bed. She leaned against the pillow in the small bed.

She hated this bed. She hated it with a passion. There was no room for anyone else in it but her. She didn't want it to be like that.

Yet she had done this to herself.

Seth hadn't told her to leave. He had told her to stay. He had loved her; he probably still did. She didn't understand at all, but he did. Even after she shattered their lives, leaving him to pick up the pieces. She hadn't helped him at all.

She had to get out of her apartment. She couldn't just lie in bed and think about this; it wasn't a pleasant place for her to be. She didn't want to see her small bed for it reminded her of what her life had become.

She walked out of the apartment, not knowing where she wanted to go. She stepped outside into the chilly October air and pulled her sweater tighter around her. She had to think for a minute as to why she had decided to go back to Providence as she clearly remembered the snow and cold from when she lived there.

Then she remembered why she had gone there. She had wanted to get as far away from California as possible. She had wanted to get as far away from her problems as was physically possible.

She walked around randomly, something she had done a lot recently. She found that walking allowed for her to just not think anymore, getting distracted by things on the street or by shop windows.

She just continued walking, not sure how long or even what her destination truly was. Finally she came across a small park, with just a few benches, swings, and a small jungle gym for kids. She sat down on one of the benches for a short rest.

Looking at the jungle gym and swings made her avoidance of her problems next to impossible. She couldn't help but think of her family. She couldn't help but realize no matter what she did the thought of them would always be there.

At the sight of a family, with two little girls and a baby in a stroller, Summer found herself losing herself in the thought of the day when it all started going wrong.

* * *

_Summer sat in the living room of their home, anxiously waiting for Seth to come home with Madeleine. She had news to tell him, really great news. _

_She was pregnant again. It hadn't been a planned thing. They already had Emma and Madeleine who they loved more than anything--and who were also quite a handful at times, being six and almost two. But still, she was excited about the prospect of having another baby with Seth. Especially considering the last time she had been pregnant, it had not been the best time in the world for them. This time it would be better._

_She wondered if maybe this time they would have a boy. As happy as both she and Seth were with their wonderful girls, she knew that sometimes Seth wanted a son. She thought it was because of the lack of the girls' interest in comic books and video games. _

_And she wasn't going to lie; she thought that a boy would be an amazing addition to their family. She thought that a boy that looked like Seth would be adorable. _

_She couldn't wait for Seth to come home--he had taken Madeleine to the doctors. Originally Summer had been intending to go with them until she had decided to go to the doctors herself. She was glad she had done so too._

_The front door opened wide, Seth coming into the house. Emma was at his side, having taken her too, and Madeleine was in his arms. Summer was about to burst out with her exciting news when she saw the look that was on Seth's face. _

"_What's wrong?" she pushed all thoughts of sharing her news aside. Madeleine was more important. _

_Seth locked his eyes with Summer. "Sum…she's sick."_

"_Okay, do you need me to go to the pharmacy or something?" Summer questioned, immediately about to rush to get her keys to go._

_He shook his head, causing her to pause in her motions. _

"_No. It's not the kind of sick that can just be cured by something from a pharmacy. It's more serious Summer. A lot more serious."_

_Summer caught his eye, staring directly at him. She saw the scared look that he had in his eyes, the look that he was obviously trying to hide. _

_He continued to talk, saying something about how they weren't sure exactly, that they needed to have her go back for more tests. He mentioned something about it going to be all right but he was probably saying that just for the benefit of Emma who was listening to his every word. _

_Summer saw the frightened look in his eyes. She was almost positive that she reflected that look herself. Seth put Madeleine down, so that she could go play with Emma. Then he looked at Summer. She was about to say something but he stopped her._

"_I don't want to talk about it right now. Not until we know more about this. Until then, can we just not talk about it?" Summer nodded her head, agreeing with that idea. "How was your doctor's appointment? Please tell me it was good. I can't handle anymore bad news today."_

"_Oh." Summer paused. She didn't particularly feel excited about sharing her happy news at the moment but it wasn't something that she wanted to keep from Seth. That had been a problem before; they needed to stop keeping things from one another. "I'm pregnant."_

_Seth looked at her for a minute, not saying anything in response immediately. Then a smile started to spread across his face. "Really?"_

"_Would I honestly make something like this up?"_

_Seth shook his head. "This is great…this is great right?"_

_Summer nodded her head. "I'm excited about it. Well, I was. Now I'm more concerned and worried about Madeleine."_

"_Don't be. I'm sure everything is going to be fine. It always works out that way. Everything will be okay."_

_Summer wanted to believe him, she really did. Somehow, she found herself truly unable to do just that. She had a feeling that it was not going to be all right, that things were about to go horribly wrong for their family._

Summer had tears in her eyes just thinking about that day. It had all gone downhill after that day, they had no clue it was all going to go so badly for them.

For some reason thinking about that day made her want to go and talk to her family. She knew that Seth was at work though and the girls were at school and daycare. She wanted them to know that she still loved them and that she missed them. She decided to leave a message on the machine for them, just so that they could hear her voice for the first time in nearly two months.

She walked home quickly, wanting to do it now before she had to go to work. She went back to her bed, sitting down and grabbing the phone. She dialed the number once again.

It rang several times and she knew the answering machine was going to pick up soon. She started thinking about what she wanted to say, what she wanted to tell them when, much to her surprise it was not the answering machine that picked up.

"Hello?"

"Seth? You're home." It took her by surprise so much that she couldn't help but break her 'don't talk to him' rule and she had to say something.

"Yea, Madeleine's sick, I'm staying home with her."

Summer took a deep breath. It wasn't good hearing that she was sick. It could never be a good thing. "Is she all right?"

"It's just the stomach flu."

"Oh." She was so glad it wasn't anything more. She hoped that he realized the relief she was feeling at that moment by the news that it was nothing too serious.

"Why did you call if you know I wasn't going to be home."

She hesitated for just a brief moment before answering. "I was going to leave a message for you guys. I…just wanted the girls to hear my voice."

"So now you want to talk to the girls? It's been nearly two months and all we've gotten is a few silent phone calls over that time, nothing else and now you want to talk to them?"

She sighed heavily. She didn't want to get into this. Not now. She just wanted to talk to someone. "Seth…"

"Is there anything you want me to tell them for you?" His voice was cold, colder than it had been ever before.

"Can I talk to Madeleine? Please?"

She knew he was hesitating, that he was thinking about letting her get on the phone with her daughter. She heard a small voice calling for him in the background and she knew it was Madeleine. She wanted to talk to her so badly.

"I have to go. Madeleine is calling for me. Don't call back unless you're deciding to come home."

She couldn't help but start to cry at this moment. She couldn't come back. Not then. She didn't know when she would. "I'm so sorry but I can't. I can't come home yet."

She waited for him to respond to her, waited for him to tell her that he would come get her. That he wasn't going to let her stay away from them anymore. That he missed her and he wanted her back.

He didn't do any of that. Instead he hung up on her, just as she had done to him so many times before. He was shutting her out just like she had. Suddenly she understood how he felt when she did all of those things to him.

She laid on her twin sized bed, feeling more alone than ever before.


	3. More Than Realized

Disclaimer: I don't own The OC. The chapter title, More Than Realized, is taken from the song _The Water _by Feist, which I don't own.

A/N-A couple of things about this. First of all, I apologize for taking so long to update, I know it's been almost a month. Because it took me so long to update, I wrote this incredibly long chapter for everyone. It's 6868 words long, the longest chapter I've written for a story yet. So that is my attempt to make up for the long period between updating. I also just wanted to tell everyone that this is probably going to be a longish story, because I figured out what I want to do. So yea, if that makes it any better. Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter and to Meg for being a super awesome friend and for editing this.

* * *

"Emma, stop fidgeting," Seth said, tugging his daughter's hair.

"You're hurting me."

"I don't mean to, you keep moving around."

"It's cause you're hurting my hair!"

Seth threw his hands up in the air. "What do you want me to do Emma? I'm trying to do your hair like you asked me to."

"Stop yelling at me!"

"I'm not yelling; I'm telling."

"No, you're yelling."

"Just let me do your hair." Seth attempted to French braid her hair again, though he was failing rather miserably.

"You're pulling it again." Emma turned her head away from him.

"God, Em, what do you want me to say? I was trying all right? You wanted me to and I was trying." Seth couldn't help the frustration that was evident in his tone.

She turned around to look at him, tears falling out of her eyes. "I hate you! I want Mommy back! She would do my hair and not yell at me."

"Emma, you don't mean that."

"Yes, I do! I don't want to be here with you and Madeleine anymore, I want to be with Mom!"

Emma ran out of the living room and Seth heard the pounding of her feet on the stairs and knew that she was headed to her room. He sighed, then looked at Madeleine, who was sitting on the floor, staring wide eyed, her My Little Ponies abandoned for the moment."Well, that didn't go well now did it?" he muttered.

Madeleine shook her head at him, then walked over to him. "Here Daddy." She handed him a small hair clip. "Do mine."

He smiled slightly, looking at his daughter's short hair. At least a clip was a lot easier than a French braid. He clipped the front of her hair away from her face, pulling her hair away from her eyes.

"Do you think we should go talk to Emma now?" he asked.

She nodded at him. He scooped her into his arms before heading up the stairs to Emma's room. They found her sitting on her bed, laying face down into her pillow. Seth plopped Madeleine down on the bed before sitting down himself.

"Emma, I'm sorry I yelled at you," he said. "I didn't mean to. I'm sorry I can't be like Mom for you."

She didn't say anything to him. Seth sighed. These were the moments that he hated. The moments where he didn't know what to say or do, the moments that he knew Summer would be doing a much better job.

But she wasn't there and he had to be there. He had to try and do the best he could without Summer's help. It was all he could really do.

"Emma, I really am sorry. I can try to do your hair again."

This got Emma to turn and look at him, glaring. "No, Daddy."

"All right, just thought I'd offer. Peace?" he held out his hand. She hesitantly grabbed it. "You don't hate me right Em."

She shook her head. "No. But I do miss Mommy a lot."

"Me too."

"Me three!" Madeleine exclaimed.

"When is she gonna come home?" Emma questioned. "Before Christmas? 'Cause on Halloween, you told me that she was going to be home before Thanksgiving and it's Thanksgiving today…"

Seth sighed. He hated lying to his daughters but sometimes it had to be done. He didn't want them to think that their mother had abandoned them, which she had. He wasn't ready to tell them that she might never be coming back.

"I'm waiting Dad."

"Soon. She should be home soon."

"Didja talk to her on the phone?"

"No," Seth replied. He hadn't had any contact with Summer since she had called on Halloween. No mysterious hang up phone calls either. He had started to worry a few days before, then realized that it didn't matter. She would call them again when she was ready to call them.

"Then how do you know?"

"I just know."

She looked at him doubtfully. "All right…"

Seth looked at the clock. "Oh, we have to get going girls. We got a little sidetracked. Don't want to be late for dinner with you grandparents now do we?"

"No. It's Turkey Day! I love Turkey Day!"

"Yay Turkey Day!"

Seth shook his head, laughing at the two. "Come on, let's get everything in the car. Now, Emma, are you sure that you don't want me to try to do your hair one final time?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "No Dad. It's fine."

"All right, let's get going then."

* * *

Summer looked at the calendar hanging next to her bed. It was Thanksgiving. She hadn't even realized it. She had been so caught up in everything that she hadn't even realized that the day was coming up.

She thought of Seth and how much he loved Thanksgiving. It had been his favorite holiday, second only to Chrismukkah, and he loved going to his parents for the holiday. They had enjoyed every year there since Emma had been born--except for the year that she nearly threw a vase at his head, but that was when he was being an idiot.

She almost wished she was there. She wanted to see how Emma and especially how Madeleine were doing. And she missed Taylor and even Ryan. But most of all, she missed the girls and Seth.

She wondered if she was ever going to find her way back to them. She didn't know if she could. She wanted to but it was the whole problem of everyone forgiving her--and forgiving herself, which she was almost positive was going to be more difficult to do than anything else.

* * *

"Dad, Maddie's poking me."

"Madeleine, stop poking your sister."

Several minutes passed with silence from the backseat, something Seth liked.

"Dad, she's doing it again!"

"Madeleine."

"Make her stop Dad! It's annoying and I'm trying to color!"

"Madeleine, stop poking your sister," he repeated.

"Maddie! You messed up my Barbie! Dad," Emma whined.

He was losing his temper. He was trying not to but it was frustrating to listen to them argue, trying to control the arguing, and trying to not drive the car off the road at the same time.

"Dad!! She just…ugh, you're so stupid! Stop it!"

"No!"

"Just stop it! You're messing it all up!" Emma cried. "I'm coloring it for Grandma."

"Madeleine Leigh Cohen, stop right now or I'll pull the car over and we won't get to see anyone."

"Good job Maddie," Emma muttered.

"Emma that goes for you two. Can you two just be quiet for a few minutes? Please?"

He got what he asked, for approximately two seconds. It was a nice silence, however short it lasted.

"Dad you made Madeleine cry," Emma said. "And I'm hungry."

Seth sighed. Now he remembered why he had been so hesitant about going on a car trip by himself. Summer usually was there to handle all of the goings on of the backseat while he was left to drive. It had always worked out.

"Oh and Lilly just peed on the rug and it's starting to smell."

"Thank you Emma," Seth muttered. "Okay, looks like we're going to be making a stop."

Luckily, they were approaching a rest stop. He got out of the car when he pulled into a spot and opened the backseat door. Madeleine was crying harder than she had been several minutes before, Lilly was barking madly, and Emma was just sitting calmly as if this was all normal.

"Why did we have to bring this damn dog?" Seth muttered, taking Lilly out of the car.

"I heard that Daddy! You said a bad word! If Mommy were here she would be yelling at you," Emma commented.

"Well, Mommy's not here, therefore I'm not in trouble."

He worked to clean up the mess that Lilly had made, all while Madeleine started crying louder and Emma just continued with her coloring. Finally, he was finished and placed Lilly back in the car.

"All right. Let's go inside. You," he pointed at the dog, "no more peeing on this carpet. Got it?"

Emma giggled. "She won't understand you."

"She better not pee on the carpet, that's all I'm going to say." Seth lifted the still crying Madeleine out of her car seat, though she fought him, obviously not wanting to be anywhere near her father. "Come on Emma."

The three walked into the rest stop, Seth slightly embarrassed by the looks he was receiving for the loud wails from Madeleine and the fact that Emma was dancing around him as they were walking didn't help.

"Okay, Madeleine, seriously, you have got to stop crying," he said, sitting down at one of the tables. "I didn't mean to yell at you."

"Yes you did," Emma commented.

"Hey, no comments from the peanut gallery. So, please stop crying. Do you want something to eat?"

She shook her head, still crying. Seth sighed. Summer was so much better at stopping the tears than him.

"Can we puh-lease get something to eat now?" Emma questioned.

"Yes, yes, let's go," Seth stood back up, Madeleine still in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"What do you want, Em?" he asked when they got up to the counter.

Emma stared at the menu for several minutes before replying. "French fries. Annnddd chicken nuggets. I think. Yea. That's what I want Daddy."

The woman behind the counter smiled at her. "Anything else?"

"Uh," Seth thought for a minute, "a burger and fries. And another order of the chicken nuggets and fries would be great."

"All right." She gave him his total and he was searching for his wallet. He knew he had grabbed it out of the car, he just somehow had misplaced it in one of his four pockets. The fact that he was one handed wasn't helping him at all.

"Here," someone from behind him handed the woman a handful of money, "this should cover it."

Seth turned to see a woman standing behind him, smiling at him. It was one of those pitiful smiles. It was ones he received every time he went out somewhere with the girls. He turned to see the woman behind the counter, smiling at the woman who gave money, like it was some sort of huge charity to pay for their fast food. He knew he was supposed to be grateful when people did things like that but truthfully it really pissed him off. The sympathetic smiles, those who 'helped' him, the people who thought it was amazing that he was doing what he was doing. He wasn't the one who had decided that he was going to be a single father. It had been thrust upon him and it was really the last thing that he wanted. If he had a choice, Summer would be at his side at that moment. Not that people knew that or cared to know that. They saw what they wanted to see, and that was a single father, attempting to take care of his kids. So he always just smiled and nodded his head in thanks.

"Thanks for that. I could have sworn I brought my wallet in," he remarked.

Emma shook her head. "No, you didn't. It's in the car still. I saw it."

"Thanks for telling me that now, Em," he rolled his eyes at her.

"Anytime."

"Okay, Madeleine, you're getting heavy and I need to carry the food to a table. I'm going to put you down now."

"No." She shook her head and clung to her father.

Seth sighed. Of all the times, she decided to pick this one to want to be permanently attached to him.

"Here, I'll take it for you guys," the woman who had paid for them grabbed the tray off the counter.

"Oh you don't have to."

"I don't mind," she replied. "I'm Jenny by the way."

"Seth. I would shake your hand, but both of us seem to be having a hand shortage."

She laughed at him. Emma just stared at the woman.

"Would you mind if I sat here?" Jenny questioned.

Before Seth could even reply, Emma took over.

"Yes. My mommy's coming to meet us any minute. So you can't sit here."

"Oh. Well. I'll just go sit over there. Nice meeting you."

Jenny walked away from them. Seth looked at Emma. "What was that for?"

"I didn't like her."

"You didn't have to be rude, Em."

She just shrugged, picking up a chicken nugget.

Seth sighed. "She was being nice to us Emma. We should be nice in return."

"She's not going to be my new mommy."

Seth's eyes widened. "Where in the world would you get an idea like that?"

"Nowhere."

"You got it from somewhere."

"Morgan told me that all dads go and find new moms for their kids once they aren't together anymore. You and Mom aren't together anymore, so you hafta get a new mom for us, but I don't want a new mom."

He sighed again. Now Emma was crying. This day was turning into to be an unpleasant one. "Em, I'm not going to find a new mom for you guys. I still love your mom. Things are just…complicated right now."

She looked up at him, her face covered in tears. "Why?"

"It's too hard for you to understand," he replied. He was not about to explain the reasons she left to his eight year old. She would never understand--hell, he barely understood it himself at some moments.

As much as he wished he could explain it to her, he couldn't. Not only was it to hard to understand, he didn't want to hurt her. Because it would hurt her--and Madeleine--as much as it was hurting him. And seeing his kids in pain was his least favorite thing and sometimes was more painful for him than it was for them. He had gone through enough of that in the past year--he didn't want to go through it anymore.

* * *

She sighed, moving from the bed. She needed to get out of the apartment and do something. She wasn't sure what she was going to do but it had to be something.

She grabbed her jacket, pulling it tightly around her when she hit the brisk cold. The first snow had occurred over the night and though it was a light snow and was most likely going to melt within the next few days, it was still snow. She walked along, listening to it crunch under her feet.

She finally found an open diner, a small one that was mostly deserted. She decided this was the only place she was likely to get some resemblance of a Thanksgiving dinner.

She walked inside, the tiny bell tinkling when she did. She looked at the two people sitting at the counter, two older men. They looked at her as she walked in, then went back to their coffee and crossword puzzles.

Summer walked over to the counter, sitting at the farthest seat from anyone. She opened up the menu, not really concentrating on it though.

"Hi, honey, do you want some coffee?" the only woman working in the diner came over to her, coffee pot in hand.

"Sure, thanks," Summer replied, not looking up from her menu.

"If you want today, we have a turkey dinner special, just like your mother's homemade meal."

Summer continued looking at the menu. "Actually…I don't think I want turkey. I'll take a burger."

"You sure honey?"

She nodded her head. "The burger is fine, thanks."

Eating turkey just didn't seem right, not without Seth by her side. She had been having Thanksgiving dinner with him since they were teenagers. This was the first one without him. It didn't seem right.

She sighed, taking a sip of the hot coffee. She pulled her cell phone out of her bag, debating if she wanted to call Seth, wish him a Happy Thanksgiving, and maybe talk to the girls.

She turned the cell phone over in hands a few times before placing it back in her purse. She wasn't going to call him. Not now. She was not in the mood to have the conversation she knew that they were bound to have. She wasn't ready to have him yelling at her, telling her to come home.

The woman placed the burger in front of Summer. She didn't walk away this time.

"Are you here all alone honey?"

Summer shook her head. "Yea, I live in Providence. Alone."

"No family?"

She shook her head, shoving some French fries in her mouth. She was willing herself not to cry because she realized something when the woman had said the words "no family".

She had no family anymore. It was finally sinking in that her family was not hers anymore. She had left them.

* * *

"Seth!" Sophie ran out the front door, being the first to greet her older brother.

"Hey Sophie," he hugged her quickly.

"What took you guys so long?" she questioned. "You were supposed to be here an hour ago."

Seth rolled his eyes at his sister. "Soph, when you get older and are traveling alone with two kids under age ten, you come talk to me about being on time all right?"

"Gotcha."

"Hi Sophie!" Emma exclaimed, hugging her tightly.

Seth watched his sister and daughter exchange excited greetings while he got Madeleine--who was now asleep after the rather adventurous road trip--out of the car. He headed into the house as he listened to the girls discuss the latest show on the Disney Channel.

Kirsten ran right over to Seth, pulling him into a hug.

"Hey, Mom, right now you're not only crushing me, you're crushing my daughter too."

"Oh, I'm sorry Madeleine," Kirsten looked at her, now waking up from her sleep. "Was she asleep?"

"Thank you Captain Obvious," he muttered.

"Be nice to Mom," Sophie commented.

"Yea, what she said," Kirsten agreed.

Seth sighed. "Sorry, it's been a long trip."

"Understandable."

There was the sad, sympathetic smile he was always receiving. This one didn't make him angry though. It was his mother--she was allowed to give the sympathetic smiles. It was her motherly duty.

"Here, let me take her," Kirsten took Madeleine from his arms before he even had a chance to protest.

"Grandma, you didn't even say hi to me!" Emma exclaimed.

"I'm sorry Emma."

"'S okay. I drew you a picture," she showed her the picture as Seth walked further into the house, looking for the rest of his family.

They were all sitting in the living room, laughing and talking. His seven year old nephew, Josh, and five year old niece, Molly, were the first to notice him entering the room.

"Uncle Seth!" the two ran at him, both having their usual amount of energy.

"Hi guys," Seth said, hugging the two. "Hey Dad, Ryan, Taylor. Nice of you guys to come greet my family and I."

"You were late. An hour ago we would have been more willing to greet you…now though, we're too hungry to get up," Ryan commented.

"Your attempts at humor fail, I hope you know that. They always have and always will."

"That was made in all seriousness."

Sophie, Emma, Kirsten, and Madeleine came into the living room and everyone started talking at once. Seth stayed quiet for once, taking the few minutes to relax from the long car ride.

"Hey Dad? You left Lilly in the car."

"Damn that stupid dog. Why did I ever get it in the first place?" Seth muttered as he got off the couch. So much for relaxing.

Then again, his life was anything but relaxing anymore

* * *

She had her burger wrapped up after she made that realization. She needed to get outside but she knew she would want the burger later. She thanked the woman, then practically ran out of the diner.

She walked around Providence for a while, holding the Styrofoam container in her hands. She wandered aimlessly, really being the only person on the street. Most were cozy and warm with their families, eating their turkey dinner, watching football games together on the television. She felt horrible that she wasn't involved in any of it.

She felt even worse when she realized that she didn't want to be involved in any of it.

She continued her walk, looking at the shops preparing for the day tomorrow. She smiled as she remembered last year's day after Thanksgiving fiasco.

Emma had desperately wanted this new toy, one that every kid in the world wanted. She, Kirsten, and Taylor had made the plans as they always did at Thanksgiving to go at 4 AM to the first store, just so Summer could get this toy for Emma. It had been a fun day, just the three of them.

She stopped dead in her tracks. It hadn't just been the three of them though. There had been four. The fourth had been a baby. Her baby. Her son Logan had been with them that day. She hadn't wanted to leave him home with Seth, Ryan, and Sandy, considering they already had Sophie, Emma, Madeleine, Josh, and Molly to watch and they were all a huge handful to take care of. She hadn't wanted them to have to worry about the baby too.

The smile that had once lit up her face at the memory had now faded. How could she have forgotten that she had Logan with her that day? Was he already a forgotten memory? She pulled her coat against her tighter, suddenly feeling colder than she had before. She felt the tears falling from her eyes. It was the first time in nearly a month that she had cried. She had thought she was getting somewhere, but evidently, she was not, if just one little memory about Logan could do this to her.

She headed back to her apartment. She suddenly felt so cold, she felt she needed warmth.

* * *

Seth finally did find the time to relax like he wanted. It didn't come until about 11 o'clock, when the kids had all gone to bed and it was only the adults still awake.

"So Seth," Sandy started, "talked to Summer recently?"

"No." Seth knew that this was going to be coming eventually, the talk about Summer. It always happened once the kids had gone to bed, to be certain that they didn't hear anything the adults didn't want them to hear.

"Have you tried calling her?" Kirsten asked.

"If I even bothered trying, she wouldn't pick up. She's not going to talk to me. The one time she called to actually say something wasn't even to talk to me. She doesn't want to talk to me."

"She should though. You didn't do anything."

Seth sighed. "It's complicated how she's thinking right now, Mom. I don't even understand it completely. She thinks that I…that I blame her for everything we've been through. That I think it's her fault."

It was really the first time he had voiced this thought aloud, though it was the total truth of the matter. He hated that she thought that way and had tried for months to convince her otherwise; nothing worked.

"Did you ever tell her that?"

"No Mom. We've been through this all before, all right?"

"Sorry. I just…I can tell you and the girls miss her and I just want you to all be happy," Kirsten said.

"So do I. It's just not coming that easily. It's going to take some work."

"Do you think she's going to come back?" Taylor questioned.

He shrugged. "I don't know. At this moment, I don't really care. It doesn't matter anymore. There's been too much damage done and I don't even know if we can fix it."

Silence ensued after he made that comment. He was surprised he had even said something like that. He had thought it a few times before, that if Summer came home to him, he wouldn't take her back. He had always pushed the thought far back in his mind, not really wanting to think along those lines.

As the time she was gone was growing longer and there was really no hope of her coming home to them, he thought about it more and more. He didn't know if he could forgive her anymore.

"You should try calling her," Kirsten said.

"I'm not going to call her Mom," Seth replied, irritated with his family now.

"You two need to talk. Especially about what happened."

"We talked before she left."

"How much could you have actually talked Seth? She left only two months after Logan's death and I know she was holed up half the time--"

"Mom, I do not want to talk about this right now. All right? I just don't." He stood up. "I need some air."

He walked out of the house and just walked down the street. He needed to breathe. He hated to think about what his mom had just been talking about. It hadn't been long since his son's death, only five months.

He sat down on the curb. Five months. Five months he had been living without his son.

Had it really been that long? It seemed like it had only happened a short while ago. That he had been standing in the hospital only days ago, hearing the news that Logan had passed away.

He hadn't realized he was crying. It was the first time in a long time he had cried. He had only been able to cry over Logan for a few days. After his funeral, he had to take care of Summer and the girls. Then he had to pick up the pieces that Summer had left behind. He hadn't had time to cry, let alone even think about it.

He got off the curb, heading back to the house, Logan and Summer, those he had lost, still on his mind. He walked wordlessly past his family, not wanting to talk to them again. He went to the room that Emma and Madeleine were sharing for the night.

He watched them sleep for a few minutes. It was something he did every once in a while, just to make sure that they were still okay, especially Madeleine. Sometimes he found himself standing there for hours just making sure that they were okay. He had almost lost more than one of his children in the past two years. He didn't want that to happen again. He didn't want to lose another child.

He wondered if Summer had ever thought about that, that she didn't want to lose anymore children than had already been lost. He had often found himself thinking about this and thought if she was thinking the same thing.

He heard soft footsteps on the stairs and he knew it was his mom coming up the stairs. She looked at him, then handed him the phone.

"It's for you."

"Hello?"

* * *

She held her cell phone in her hand for what seemed like hours. She turned it over and over again, switching it from palm to palm. She didn't know what she wanted to do.

She wanted to call Seth. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to hear his voice. The thoughts of Logan had made her think of Seth. She wanted to talk to him about it. She just didn't know if she could.

It was nearly two in the morning before she was able to dial his cell phone number, that she still knew by heart. He didn't pick it up and, knowing him, she realized that he probably left it at home or in his car.

Hands shaking, she dialed another number that was familiar to her, hoping that someone would pick up.

* * *

"I need some air."

Kirsten watched as Seth walked out of the house. Her first instinct was to go after him, but Sandy placing a hand on her shoulder prevented her from doing this. She wanted to go after him, to talk to him. Because she knew, as much as Seth liked to talk, this was the one thing that he hadn't talked about. She knew that he avoided it like the plague, but it was something that needed to be talked about.

She got up off the couch, going to refill her cup with more coffee. After, she decided she didn't want to go back into the living room just yet. She walked up the stairs to the bedrooms.

She stopped and looked inside Sophie's room first, where her daughter was sleeping soundly. Molly was on the pull out bed next to her, her covers and pillows on the floor. Kirsten walked quietly into the room, trying not to wake either of them to resituate Molly. She smiled at her daughter and granddaughter.

She walked out of the room and onto the room next door. Josh was currently the only one sleeping in there, on a small cot on the floor. She looked at her only grandson, with that thought, sadness filling her. She couldn't believe that he was her only grandson now. She had two, now she only had one.

She wanted the other one back just as much as Seth and Summer did.

She gave Josh a quick kiss goodnight before she moved on to the last room. She looked at Emma and Madeleine, sleeping in the large bed. Or at least she thought they were both sleeping. When she peered closer, she saw that Madeleine was staring back at her.

"Maddie what are you doing up?" she whispered, walking over to the bed.

"Not sleepy," Madeleine replied.

"You have to go to bed sweetie."

"I want Mommy," she said quietly.

Kirsten couldn't say anything to her, just hugged her and gave her a quick kiss. "Go to bed now. Maybe when you wake up you can talk to your mommy."

"Really?" Madeleine looked hopeful.

"Yea, I'll talk to your Daddy for you. He can call her and you can say Happy Thanksgiving to her. But you have to go to sleep so you can wake up in the morning to call her."

"Okay!" Madeleine leaned her head back against the pillow, clutching her ratty old teddy bear in her arms. She closed her eyes tightly.

"Good night Madeleine," Kirsten said quietly.

"Shh I sleeping," Madeleine replied, not opening her eyes.

Kirsten had a smile on her face as she walked out of the room. Every time she heard Madeleine speak, smile, or even when she just looked at her, she was so thankful that her youngest granddaughter was alive. She had been through so much in her short life and it made Kirsten so glad to see her happy and alive. She hated when she thought of what would happen to Seth if he lost Madeleine; she was his baby and she was pretty certain if anything happened again to her--if she happened to relapse--he would be devastated.

She walked down the stairs, going back into the living room. Not much had changed since she had left. Seth was still out and no one else had really moved. Kirsten took the same position she originally had next to Sandy.

"Did you go check on the kids?" Sandy questioned.

"Yea."

"All sound asleep?"

"Except Madeleine," she replied. "I told her that if she went to bed, she could talk to her mom tomorrow."

"Kirsten…"

"I know Sandy, I shouldn't have told her that. She just looked so sad and she was talking about Summer. I needed to do something. She needs a mother and she doesn't have one right now."

"Maybe I should go over there and spend some time with Emma and Madeleine," Taylor commented.

"Is there anyway we can go and visit them Sandy? I would love to spend some time with them. I'm sure Seth could use our help," Kirsten said, instantly perking up at the idea.

Sandy was about to reply to both of them when the front door opened and they saw Seth come back into the house. He didn't come into the living room, instead heading up the stairs. Kirsten once again wanted to go after him but this time she was able to refrain.

The phone started to ring and she got up to answer that in the kitchen.

"Hello?"

* * *

"Hello?"

The voice that Summer hadn't heard in months echoed over the phone. She was startled for a minute. It wasn't that she hadn't expected her to pick up the phone, considering it was her house, it just caught her rather off guard.

"Hello?" Kirsten repeated, getting frustrated. She was ready to hang up.

"Kirsten it's me," Summer blurted out.

Kirsten gasped. "Summer…"

"Hi. I…I need to talk to Seth. Is he there?"

"Yes, hold on," Kirsten headed out of the room, the hand that was holding the phone shaking slightly. She couldn't believe that Summer had called. She wasn't sure if this was a good or a bad thing--but she was hoping it was a good thing.

She saw Seth standing in the doorway of Emma and Madeleine's room. He turned to look at her when he heard her footsteps on the stairs.

"It's for you."

He took the phone from her. "Hello?"

"It's me," Summer's voice was quiet, though it still echoed throughout her empty apartment.

"Summer." Seth walked away from the doorway, not wanting to wake Emma and Madeleine up.

"I tried calling your cell."

"I left it in the car." He took refuge in the room reserved for him, the only room where he knew he would get some peace. He had a feeling that his mom might be listening outside the door and the rest of the family was bound to come upstairs eventually.

"I figured," Summer replied. She hadn't realized how awkward this phone call was going to be. She also didn't realize how much she had really wanted to hear his voice.

She was so confused, she no longer knew what she wanted to do.

"Why did you call?" he questioned, wanting to know why. She hadn't called in a month and all of the sudden she was calling him at his parents house? He knew something was up.

"I…I was thinking…" she took a deep breath the tears coming to her eyes again, "I was thinking about Logan tonight…"

Seth closed his eyes. He had just managed to get the memories out of his head and now at the mention of his name, they were all coming back. He didn't say anything to her.

"It's…been five months," she was crying now, unable to stop herself.

"I know."

"I'm so sorry Seth," she whispered through her tears. She tried to stop herself from crying. "I'm sorry that I did that."

Seth sighed, angry at Summer. "It wasn't your fault Summer. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"But it was. He came from my body, he had my genes--"

"And mine too. Summer, it was no one's fault," he tried to be gentle, though he knew that there was anger evident in his voice. He had this talk so many times with her and nothing was ever getting through to her.

This time was clearly no different as she didn't say anything in response. There was silence on both ends of the phone for a minute, but both were still hanging around.

"Summer, when are you going to come home?"

He heard her take a sharp breath. It was obvious that she had been expecting this question but she didn't want to answer it. That much was clear to him.

"I can't yet Cohen."

It was his turn to take the breath. She had shocked him by calling him Cohen. He hadn't heard her voice say that name in so long. It was almost like finding a treasure that had been lost. He closed his eyes, thinking of all the times she had said the name to him, of all the things that had happened between them.

"But you can," he was pleading with her. She didn't realize how much he really missed her.

"I can't Seth. I just can't. I'm…I'm not ready." She sighed, wishing he would understand how she was feeling. She felt solely responsible for all that had gone wrong with Logan and that feeling wasn't going to be leaving her anytime soon. She couldn't bring herself to go back to that house, to be in all of the places that they would be with him. It would only bring her farther down.

"I don't understand how you aren't ready," Seth replied.

"I'm not. Okay. I can't go back to being in a house, in the city where we were supposed to raise our son without him."

"What about your daughters? They're still alive you know." His voice was low now.

"Can we not do this now?"

"No. We have to do this now. Summer, you need to come home to us. Soon."

"And what if I don't?" she bit her bottom lip in nervousness, an old habit that she found impossible to break.

Seth thought about this for a minute. He needed to make sure he wasn't going to regret what he wanted to say.

"I won't take you back."

She fell silent. She hadn't expected him to say that. She hadn't expected him to give her the ultimatum of not taking her back in.

He continued on. "It's not that I don't want you again Summer, because trust me, I miss you every day and it hurts like hell to know that you don't want to be here with your family. I still love you Summer, just as I always have."

"Don't say that," she said fiercely. "I don't want to hear you say that."

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to say that you love me."

"I love you Summer. I love you more than anything in the world. I love you and our daughters and our son. I love you."

"Stop it." She couldn't listen to him say that to her. She didn't deserve to have that be said to her. She didn't deserve his love.

"Whatever you say or do, I will still love you. But you have to understand…you can't keep jerking me around like this. You can't call me and expect me to not ask if you're coming home. Because your calls are giving me false hope, and I hate that. They're giving the girls false hope. If you're serious about returning to our family, then you have to come home soon."

"I want to so badly. I don't know if I can."

"If you want to, you can. I know you can Summer."

"I don't know."

"You can. And you will if you really want to be with us. If you want to be with your family, who love you, you'll come home by Christmas to us. If you don't…"

"I've already lost my family Seth."

He groaned into the phone. "God damn it Summer, no you haven't! You're going to if you keep this up. We want you home but we can only wait so long. We need you home and we need you home by Christmas. Please. If you don't come home by Christmas, then you'll really have lost us. Then I'll stop trying to get a hold of you, you can give me an address and I'll get divorce papers drawn up."

She cried out when she heard the word divorce. "I don't want that."

"Then come home by Christmas. But…if you do come home, don't expect instant gratification. Please don't. Because we have a lot to work through. It would just be a lot easier if you came home."

She became silent once again. Seth though for a minute that she had hung up the phone on him, that his ultimatum had been too much. He wasn't going to take it back though. He had said what he had wanted to say and he meant every last word. He wasn't going to change any part of what he had told her.

"I…I know the girls are probably asleep right now."

"Glad you remembered that."

"Can you…or can I…"

"Do you want to talk to them?" Seth hesitated not sure if this was going to be the greatest idea he had ever had.

"Yes."

"Call here tomorrow morning. You can talk to them then."

"All right," Summer agreed. "Good-bye."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I love you."

He had wanted her to say it response to him. He wanted to hear that she still loved him, that he wanted to be with him still. All he got was the click of the phone.

Summer looked down at the phone in her hand, shaking as she pressed the off button. She started crying even harder as she just looked at the phone. She opened her mouth, to whisper something, and still the whisper echoed throughout the room, making her hate herself even more. She said it louder, wishing that he could hear her.

"I love you too."


	4. Trust Me

Disclaimer: I don't own The OC. I also don't own the chapter title, Trust Me, it's taken from The Fray.

A/N-Whoops. I fail at updating this story. I'm sorry this took me so long. It's no 6000 word chapter either but I'm halfway through the next chapter too, so I'll try to get that up considerably quick. At least, it won't take another three months to get another chapter up. Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter!

* * *

There were very few things Emma Cohen didn't understand in her life. She was the oldest girl in her class at school, so she thought she knew it all, except for those few things in her life.

One thing she didn't understand was why James Williams was always picking on her.

And she definitely didn't understand why her dad just didn't get that she hated grape jelly. He was always making her sandwiches with grape instead of strawberry.

She didn't understand fully why Logan was no longer around. She knew that he had died, she understood that much. She just didn't understand why.

e smartest She didn't get why Madeleine had been so sick a while ago. Her parents had explained what had been going on but she still didn't get it.

But most of all, she didn't understand why her mom wasn't coming home. She just didn't get it. She had over heard the grownups talking about it that morning at breakfast. They had used a big word that she had no clue what it meant.

Being the investigative eight year old that she was, she marched over to her grandpa. He would always tell her what was going on.

"Grandpa?"

"What's up, Em?" he questioned.

"I have a really important question to ask you."

"A really important question, huh? Well, go ahead, ask away."

"What's a…" she thought hard in her head, trying to recall the word. "A ultamania?"

Sandy looked at his granddaughter. "I've never heard that word before."

She gave him a frustrated look. "You 'n Grandma 'n Daddy 'n Aunt Taylor 'n Uncle Ryan were talkin' about it this morning! About Mommy."

"Oh. That. I think that would be best to talk to your father about that."

"Why do you grown-ups always say that!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Just go ask your father."

"Fine."

She walked out of the living room, leaving her cousins behind in hunt of her father. Madeleine had been upset earlier so she remembered that he had gone outside with her. She opened up the back door and walked outside to see the two out there, her sister calmly playing with some toys in the grass.

"Daddy?"

"What Emma?" he looked a little annoyed, but Emma blew right past that.

"Grandpa told me that I should ask you my question."

"What's the question?"

"What's a ultamania?"

"A what now?"

"That thing you were talking 'bout this morning. About Mom."

"An ultimatum?"

"Yea! That!"

He sighed. "Emma…I don't think you'll understand. It's grown up stuff."

She stamped her foot angrily. She had most definitely inherited the rage blackouts from Summer.

"I'll understand! I'm eight!"

"I know, honey, but it's…complicated."

"But I wanna know," she whined.

He shook his head. "One day, when you're older, you'll understand. Trust me."

She shook her head. "I wanna know now."

"Emma Grace, please stop this right now."

"Fine." She stormed away from her father, not wanting to be near him anymore.

He hadn't helped her understand why she no longer had her mother.

* * *

Seth rubbed his eyes warily. He was trying to get Madeleine to take a nap, but the three year old decided it was her time to be rebellious at the moment. She wanted to play with her cousins, having missed out on that in the morning after throwing a tantrum about Molly taking her toy.

"Come on Maddie, it's time for you to nap."

"No." She shook her head forcefully.

"You have to. If you don't you get cranky and then I get cranky."

She just blinked at her father. "No."

He sighed. He missed having a child who would listen to him and wasn't stubborn. Emma had always listened to him about naps and everything when she had been Madeleine's age. Plus, it hadn't just been him doing the convincing. He missed those days.

"I'll lay down with you until you fall asleep. How does that sound? We can go and sleep in my bed instead."

She looked at him for a few moments before deciding what to do. "Okay, Daddy."

He lifted her up in his arms, carrying her to his bedroom. He pulled the covers back for her, waiting for her to climb under them. He lay next to her, happy when his head hit the pillow.

After the conversation with Summer, he had barely slept, maybe an hour at most. He had wondered if it had been the right decision, giving the ultimatum. He was tempted more than once to call her back and tell her that he took it back, that she could take her time.

He didn't do it though. He had meant all that he had said.

He noticed that Madeleine had closed her eyes, taking it as a sign that she was close to falling asleep. He closed his eyes too, debating if he should maybe take a nap too.

He opened his eyes a few minutes later when he heard the bed creak. He watched his daughter cautiously get off the bed, tiptoeing slowly to the door. He almost laughed watching her trying to escape.

"Madeleine Leigh, what are you doing?"

She looked back at her dad, flashing him a smile. "Shhhh Sethy's sleeping."

He rolled his eyes. She liked calling him Sethy instead of Dad a lot of the time, for reasons he didn't even understand.

She continued opening the door, even though Seth was watching her. Apparently, his daughter hadn't learned how to be stealth like him.

"Madeleine."

"Bye bye Sethy," she slipped out of the door, closing it behind her.

He shook his head, knowing he should go get her, make her take her nap. He didn't though. He was going to let her go play. It was what she wanted to do. He knew he would regret it later, but for the time being, it was going to make her happy.

He got off the bed himself, following her footsteps. He went to the living room, where Sandy and Ryan were watching Madeleine, Emma, Molly, Josh, and Sophie play together. The two men grinned at Seth when he walked into the room.

"Yea, yea, I know. I can't even get my own daughter to listen to me."

"She told us that Sethy was sleeping," Sandy said.

"Sethy, you don't look like you're sleeping," Ryan added, with a grin.

"Oh shut up."

He sat down on the couch, ignoring the looks on his family's faces. He was probably going to be called Sethy for a really long time.

"Daddy, will you be Ken?" Emma looked up at him. "Josh won't be Ken for us!"

"Yea, Sethy, go be Ken," Ryan said.

Seth rolled his eyes. He was used to playing Barbie with his daughters, not that he would ever admit that to Ryan. He had tried to influence them with video games but he had very little luck in that department.

He got on the floor, picking up the Ken doll and playing along with the crazy storyline that had been created. His daughters smiled at him, making him smile in return. Even though he knew he was going to get mocked by Ryan for his Ken voice for the longest time, he was at least there to make his daughters happy. It was the best he could do.

* * *

Emma fidgeted in her seat. She loved going to see her grandparents, but she hated the long drive home. It wasn't a fun ride home this year because it was just her, Madeleine, and her dad. Madeleine was sleeping and Seth was driving and didn't have time to pay attention to her.

Emma wasn't the only one thinking of how much better things were last year. Already have a brief flashback to the ride to his parents house when Madeleine started crying a half hour into the trip, Seth was ready to pull his hair out. He hadn't realized how much he had needed someone else for a trip like this until he was actually faced with it.

He wasn't only thinking of Summer though. He was thinking of the their son. He had been with them last Thanksgiving.

He didn't want to think of Logan but somehow his mind kept drifting to him. It was almost impossible not to. The littlest things would remind him of his son.

He gripped the steering wheel tighter, his mind being filled with the night that made his life change.

_

* * *

_

Seth sat in the seat, his knuckles interlocked. He was staring at his shoes, just keeping his mind on those.

_He knew that Summer wanted him to talk or do something. He couldn't. Hospitals made him feel weird. He had been in them so much lately, from Madeleine to Logan that he couldn't handle them anymore._

_Summer needed him though. She had been a mess when they kissed their son goodbye before his surgery. He could tell she was still a mess, she had been since the day Logan William Cohen was born. He had been born two and a half months early and with a congenital heart defect, discovered when he was just a few weeks old. Ever since she had heard those words, she had been worried about her son. _

_He unclenched his hands and reached for hers. He gripped it tightly in his, still not looking up from the ground. From the way she was squeezing his hand back, he knew that she needed him._

_He finally looked up from the ground. He saw her beautiful face full of concern and he tried to think of a way to console her. He didn't know what he could possibly do or say._

"_Everything is going to be fine," he said softly._

"_How can you be certain, Cohen?" she questioned. _

"_Because he's a Cohen," he replied with a shrug. "We make it through everything. We rarely get sick and when we do, we work through it."_

"_How can you explain this then?" she turned her head away then looked back at him, tears in her eyes. "It's me. It's my fault that this is happening to him and that Maddie's going through everything…"_

_He pulled her body into his. "No. Summer. Don't even think that this is your fault. These things can happen."_

"_He's a Cohen though."_

"_Summer." He had already had this conversation with her so many times. He couldn't think of way to convince her otherwise. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I just want to wait for the doctor to come and tell us our son is all right."_

_She nodded her head but Seth could still tell she was worried. It was something he could sense now. _

"_Cohen…"_

_He knew what she was thinking. He didn't want her to be thinking what she was. The reality was, he was thinking the same thing. _

"_Don't think that Sum. He made it through the first surgery; he'll make it through this one."_

_She didn't say anything in response to him, just squeezed his hand tighter. The waiting was the hardest part. _

_He felt her let go of his hand and he looked up to what she was looking at. It was the doctor coming towards them. He stood, Summer following his actions. Waiting for the doctor to finally reach them felt like it took hours, when really it only took seconds. _

_The doctor looked at them and that was when Seth knew. He could tell by the look in the doctor's eyes. He didn't want it to be true, maybe he was misreading things. He clung to this hope for only a second more._

"_I'm sorry…"_

* * *

Seth tried to block it all out. He didn't want to think of what happened after that moment, how their family broke after that moment. He had to focus on fixing it, not the time it was broken.

"Daddy?"

He looked in the rearview mirror at Emma, who had paused in her coloring. "What Em?"

"I drew a picture. For Mommy."

"That's nice."

"I wanna give it to her."

"That's hard, considering she's…not here."

"Can we drive it to her?"

"I don't think so."

She frowned. This wasn't the answer she was looking for. She wanted her mom to have this picture.

Seth was about to say something when his cell phone started ringing.

"Oh can I answer it?" Emma's face lit up.

"Go ahead," he handed it back to her. She was his secretary, loving to answer his phone for him.

"Hello?"

He watched as her face turned into one of surprise. He wondered who was on the other end when he got his answer.

"Mommy!"

He nearly slammed on the brakes he was so surprised she was calling. After she didn't call the previous morning to talk to the girls, he had thought that she was going to stop calling again.

"I drew a picture for you."

He listened to their conversation, Emma babbling on to her mother, who she hadn't spoken to in nearly three months, about all that had been going on with her.

"…and Dad can't do a braid."

He rolled his eyes. She had to point that out. He was now more determined then ever to learn how to braid Emma's hair.

"Emma, we're stopping for lunch now," he said as he pulled into a parking lot. "Let me talk to your mom."

"No! I want to talk to her."

"Just let me talk to her for a few minutes," Seth said, getting out of the car. He opened up Emma's door, grabbing the phone from her, ignoring the pouting she was giving him.

"Hey, I didn't expect for you to call," he said.

"_Sorry I didn't call yesterday. I got caught up with some things."_

He didn't bother asking her to elaborate, knowing that she wouldn't. "Emma's glad that you called."

"_I'm glad that I got to talk to her. So, you can't braid hair?" _

He could practically see the smirk on her face at this sentence and he started to smile himself. For these few minutes, it was like nothing had happened and they were just talking over the phone.

"I'm going to learn."

"_You do that. I'd like to see you braid hair."_

"Trust me, I'll be a braiding expert."

He lifted Madeleine out of her car seat, placing his daughter on the ground. He leaned against the car, both girls standing next to him. He was glad that for once their conversation didn't consist of them arguing.

"Do you want to talk to Madeleine?"

"_Is she awake? Emma said she was sleeping."_

"She's up now. We've stopped for lunch. She wants to talk to you I think."

"_All right, put her on then."_

"I'll talk to you later then. Bye Summer…I love you."

He handed the phone to Madeleine before she could respond to that. He didn't need to hear what she had to say, if she was going to say that she loved him. He loved her and he just wanted to make sure she knew that he would always love her.


	5. Baby Please Come Home

Disclaimer: I don't own The O.C. and the title for this chapter is from the song Christmas (Baby Please Come Home).

A/N-I know it seemed like I was never going to update this but here's an update! Don't worry; I will be making an attempt to work on this story more. Thanks for the reviews on the previous chapter, feedback on this is greatly appreciated!!

* * *

Summer hummed a soft tune, rocking the baby in her arms. She smiled as the baby's cries slowly quieted.

"Summer?" a hand was placed on her shoulder, startling her.

It was the woman whose baby she was currently holding. Kate, a single mother with two kids, who lived next door to Summer. They had formed a friendship when Summer had moved in three months ago. It was mostly a friendship of convenience, since Kate never asked questions and Summer was always willing to take care of her kids.

"Oh hey Kate," Summer said, trying to hide her disappointment at the woman's arrival. She was enjoying watching the two kids so much, she hadn't wanted the night to end.

"Thank you so much for watching them. You're a lifesaver."

"Oh, anytime."

Summer placed the baby gently back in her crib. "Elliot went to sleep a while ago. He wasn't any trouble tonight."

"Good," Kate paused before asking the same question she always asked. "Do you want to stay and talk for a while?"

Summer thought for a moment, about to give her usual answer of no. Something made her change her mind at the last second, what made her do so she wasn't really sure. "Yea. I'd love to."

Kate looked at her in surprise, no expecting the answer of yes. She didn't seem disappointed by this answer; she actually looked rather pleased that Summer was finally going to stay over for a few minutes. "All right, we can go to the kitchen."

The walked in, settling down at the table. Kate poured two cups of coffee, placing on in front of Summer.

They were both silent for a few minutes, neither quite sure what to stay. Summer cleared her throat. She was finally ready to talk to someone, finally ready to her story.

"I have three kids of my own," she said, her voice soft.

"You do?" Kate looked shocked at this news, though Summer didn't blame her as she had told Kate so little about her life.

"Emma's my oldest daughter, she's eight. Madeleine is a year younger than Elliot and Logan is—"she paused, shaking her head. "Logan was the same age when he—" she couldn't finish her sentence, her voice catching.

"Oh, Summer, I'm so sorry."

She could tell that Kate wanted to press and Summer wanted to tell her. She wasn't sure if she could get the words out.

"He…he was born premature and had congenital heart defect. He had to have surgeries, so we could try and fix his heart, so that he could have a normal life. He made it through the first surgery fine but the second surgery wasn't successful. That was when he...when he died." The last words came out as a whisper. She was surprised she was even able to get the words out in the first place. "And then there was Madeleine…"

Kate hesitated, obviously not wanting to press the issue if Summer didn't want to talk about it. At that moment though, Summer realized she did want to talk about it, that she did want to share all that she had kept bottled up.

"Shortly before my daughter's second birthday, we started noticing bruises on her body. At first we ignored it, figuring it was just from when the two would play together. Finally, Seth—my husband—brought her to the doctor and we found out that she had acute lymphoblastic leukemia. ALL." Summer had recited this so many times before, she no longer thought about it. She had to explain it to so many people in her life. It was something that she had never wished she had to explain.

"Oh my God Summer, that's horrible," Kate whispered.

She nodded her head. "We dealt with all of that while I was pregnant with Logan and then just while we were really getting into everything, he was born and we had two sick kids to take care of. I wanted them to just get better and there was really nothing I could do. Madeleine went into remission but I still live with the constant fear that something bad is going to happen to her, that she's going to relapse. After what happened with Logan…"

"Is that why you just showed up out of nowhere?" Kate questioned. "You just came here, didn't say anything about your life at all."

"I just wanted to escape it all. I couldn't handle being there anymore. Logan was gone and I kept thinking that I was going to lose Madeleine too. Emma was my only healthy child and I thought if I stayed there any longer, something would happen to her. Somehow, some way, I thought she would get sick."

"You shouldn't think like that. It wasn't your fault."

Summer almost laughed at these words. She had heard them so many times before, practically everyday. "That's what Cohen would tell me. He would tell me and I never believed him."

"You should have. We all think that our kids are going to be perfect and healthy, but it can't always be the reality. It doesn't mean that it's your fault, not at all. Things happen; we don't always get our way in life. It's horrible that both of these things had to happen to your kids. I don't even know how I would be able to deal with it all."

Summer sighed. "That's the thing. I didn't deal with it all. I pushed everyone away; I…don't even know what I did anymore."

They sat in silence again, soaking in all of what had been said. Summer felt slightly relieved that she had talked to someone. It wasn't much really, but she had least opened up to someone. It wasn't a lot, but it was a start. A start to what, she wasn't exactly sure, but she knew it was going to bring her somewhere.

"Are you going to go back to them?"

"Hm?" Summer looked up from her coffee cup, which she had started to stare at.

"Are you going to go back to your family? To your husband and your two kids?"

Summer thought to the ultimatum that had been given to her. She had that on her mind constantly, she wasn't sure if she would be able to do it. "I don't know. I don't know if I can go back to them after what I did. And the things that I said to Seth…"

"Does he still love you?" Kate questioned.

She hesitated. He said those three words to her every time they talked on the phone, yet she wasn't sure how he could still love her. She had left him, said horrible things to him.

"I know that I still love him," Summer answered finally. "And every time we talk, he tells me he loves me. I don't know if it's true or if he just wants me to come home."

Kate nodded her head and was about to say something when they heard a cry through the baby monitor next to them on the table.

"I'm sorry Summer...." She gave Summer an apologetic look as she stood up, but Summer shook her head.

"It's fine. I think I should go home anyways."

She walked out of the apartment, her mind racing with thoughts about Seth and her family. Talking about them made her realize how much she missed her daughters and how much she wanted Seth back.

She got back to her apartment, lying down on her bed. Her mind was still racing. She turned on her side, looking at the pictures of Emma, Madeleine, and Logan on the table. She traced them with her finger.

Her mind filled with thoughts of one of the last times that they were all together, all together as a family.

* * *

"_Push me on the swings Mommy!" Emma called out, giggling as she ran towards the swing set in the park. _

"_I'm coming, Em," Summer said. She looked at Seth who was sitting on the grass, Logan in his lap, Madeleine sitting next to him. "You okay over here?"_

"_Of course. Go play with Emma."_

_They had decided that it was the perfect day to go out for a picnic. Madeleine was having a good day and Emma had been getting restless staying in the house, since her parents couldn't take her out. They had wanted to do this for their children. _

_Summer started to push Emma, listening to her joyous laughter. She looked over at Seth, who was sitting and playing with Logan and Madeleine. _

_She loved when they were like this. It was the moments like this that made her pretend that they were a normal family; that their lives weren't affected by their children's illnesses. _

_These were the days that she loved. _

* * *

She closed her eyes, the tears spilling out of her eyes. She wanted all of that back. She wanted her family back.

She wanted to go home.

* * *

"Ready to go shopping Madeleine?" Seth said as he lifted her into the seat of the shopping cart.

"Yes Sethy," Madeleine nodded her head.

It was a week before Christmas and he still hadn't gotten all the Christmas presents he needed for Emma and Madeleine. Between taking care of them and work, he hadn't had enough time to go out. So, he had decided the only way he was going to get it done was if he took Madeleine with him.

"Now, what do you do when I tell you not to look at what I'm buying you?" he questioned.

She smiled and then covered her eyes with her hands. "Can't see!"

"Good girl."

It was the only way he was going to some how get her to not know what 'Santa Claus' was going to get her. He had to improvise the best he could.

He wheeled the cart inside the toy store, looking around, not sure where to start. It was so much easier in past years for Christmas, when Summer was with him. He missed having her there to tell him what to throw into the cart.

The moments they were Christmas shopping were some of the ones that stuck out in his mind. He would always remember those moments.

* * *

"_Hurry up, Cohen. It's not that hard to pick out a video game," Summer called out. _

"_When you have options like these, it is."_

"_I thought that Emma and Madeleine were the kids?" _

"_Oh shush. You never have to grow up. Chrismukkah is all about being a child."_

"_You think that. I'm going to go down the doll section with Madeleine. Pick out your game and meet us there."_

_Seth watched his wife wheel the cart away with their daughter in the front of it. He saw the look on her face and realized how frustrated she was with him. He didn't want to ruin their shopping trip, which they had been doing since Emma was born. He looked back at the video games before running after Summer. _

"_Did you pick your game out?" she questioned, studying the dolls in the aisle, trying to pick the perfect one out for Emma. At five years old, all she wanted was numerous dolls to share with her friends. _

"_Nah, I don't need a game for Chrismukkah," he remarked. _

_She rolled her eyes at him. "You want one and just don't want to piss me off."_

"_Maybe."_

"_I'm just trying to make this the perfect Christmas, since it's Madeleine's first and our last Christmas wasn't exactly one of perfection."_

_Seth winced at the memory of his screw ups of last year. They were moving past all of that now. They were starting to forget. He wrapped his arm around Summer, kissing the top of her head. "This one will be perfect. How could it now be? We have each other and our two beautiful daughters." He looked over at Madeleine, who was currently incredibly fascinated with her foot. "See? Perfect."_

_Summer sighed. "I know. But I'm still worried that…"_

"_Don't worry. Just buy lots of presents for our daughters. That doesn't require worrying."_

"_It does when Emma wants a doll with that price tag on it," Summer commented, handing him the box. _

_He squinted at the small print, then his eyes got wide. "Whoa. Okay. So maybe it does require some worrying so we don't end up spending that much on a doll. That much for a doll that she's going to end up breaking in two weeks? I don't think so."_

_Summer shook her head, placing the doll back on the shelf. "Take Madeleine with you to go pick out your game. I have to get some things for her and I don't want her to see them."_

"_Sum, she's not even a year old yet. She's trying to put her foot in her mouth. Do you really think she's going to realize what you're buying her?"_

"_Get in the Chrismukkah spirit, Cohen."_

"_All right, all right. We'll go and find something for you to not buy me, because I don't want any gifts this year."_

_Summer laughed. "Just go and get your game."  
_

_Seth turned to walk away, stopping quickly. He gave Summer a quick kiss. "I love you."_

* * *

"Daddy!"

Seth pulled himself out of his thoughts when Madeleine started calling his name. He looked at his daughter, whose hands were still covering her eyes.

"I see now?" she questioned.

Seth laughed lightly. "Of course Maddie."

She pulled her hands away from her eyes, a huge grin on her face. "Thankie Daddy."

Seth started pushing the cart into the store, laughing at Madeleine's antics. Watching her act like this made him happy for what he had left in his life.

* * *

Summer sat in her apartment, looking at the now bare walls. She walked through the rooms, making sure that she had everything that she needed.

After triple checking the rooms, she opened her purse up, making sure she had the plane tickets inside. A small smile spread across her face.

She was going home.

* * *

"Daddy, you can't look!" Emma exclaimed.

"Em, how am I not supposed to look?"

"It's s'pposed to be a surprise!"

"I'm sorry. Can we just pretend that I didn't see it?"

Emma crossed her arms unhappily, Madeleine imitating her actions. Seth looked at his two daughters, shaking his head.

"Fine. I'll close my eyes. Just please…don't break anything. And don't leave this area."

"We won't Daddy!"

He closed his eyes for only a second, opening them when he no longer heard any footsteps around him. He watched as Emma and Madeleine sifted through a few things, trying to find a gift for him from them. It was cute how they were trying to make it a surprise for him, even though he could see what they were picking out for him.

He heard them running back towards him, so he shut his eyes again. He didn't want to ruin their surprise for them.

"Are your eyes closed Daddy?"

"Yes, they are."

"We got your present."

"Great. Can I look at it?"

"No!"

"Then how am I supposed to look where I'm going?"

"I'll hide it."

He heard some shuffling around next to him and he started to wonder what they were doing. Finally, he heard calls to open his eyes again and he looked at his two daughters, both who were giggling.

"What did you two do?" he questioned, looking around for what they did with the gift.

"Nothing."

"Emma…"

"We gave it to that nice lady, Daddy!" She rolled her eyes at him, looking so much like Summer in that moment. He looked away from her at where she was pointing. The woman smiled at him, nodding her head at him.

"All right. We got everything then?"

"No!" Madeleine spoke up, shaking her head wildly.

"What else do we possibly have to get? We got Uncle Ryan and Aunt Taylor's gift, Sophie's, your grandparents gift…who are we missing?"

"Mommy."

"Oh." He didn't know how to tell his daughters that their mother most likely wasn't going to be coming home for Christmas. There were three days left until Christmas and he hadn't heard anything from Summer. He wasn't expecting her to come home.

"Girls, I don't know if your mom is going to be coming home for Christmas…"

"No, Daddy, she is," Emma nodded her head. "Mommy's gonna come home."

"Emma…"

"She is."

He couldn't argue with them. He wasn't about to tell them that they might lose their mother forever. It wasn't happening. He had to give into them.

"Let's go get her a gift then."

They took of running, barely giving him a chance to catch up to them. Finally, they stopped and he saw right where they had headed to. The jewelry department.

"What are we doing here?"

"That lady said that jewelry is the perfect gift for when people are fighting," Emma informed him.

He wondered if she remembered all those years ago, when he forgot their anniversary and he bought Summer a diamond necklace. That seemed like it was so long ago.

"Emma, I'm not sure we should buy her one…"

"It'll make her come home."

He needed to work on his inability to say no to his daughters because it was one day going to put a major hole in his wallet. He sighed, figuring he could just come and return it after Christmas. They would never know the difference.

"All right, which one should we get for her?" he asked, deciding to at least play along.

"This one." Emma pointed to a necklace, shaped in circle of diamonds. "It's pretty 'n perfect for Mommy."

Seth looked at it and nodded his head. He looked at the jeweler who had come over to them and nodded his head. "We'll take that one."

For a minute, he had fooled even himself into thinking that Summer was going to be waiting for them at home. He shook this from his thoughts, because he couldn't even pretend anymore.

He just wished that she was going to come home.

* * *

Summer took several deep breaths. She couldn't believe what she was about to do. She wasn't sure if she was ready to do this. It had been so long....

She walked up to the door, placing her bag on the ground next to her. She raised her hand to the door and slowly knocked on it. She held her breath as she waited for someone to come to the door. Finally, the door opened up.

"Hi…"


	6. You Remind Me of Home

"Hi…"

The blond woman stared at her in shock. "Summer."

Neither made a movement towards each other. Summer wasn't sure what to do or say and Kirsten looked just as uneasy as her. Finally, a tight smile spread across Kirsten's face.

"Come in."

Summer stepped beside her, tugging her bag through the door. She took a deep breath as she walked in her in-laws home, looking at all the familiar objects. It felt like she hadn't been there in years.

Her eyes fell on Sandy, who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He nodded and smiled at her. Sophie peeked her head from around her father, her smile even larger than her parents.

"So…"

"I couldn't go see Seth," Summer immediately blurted out.

"Soph, why don't you finish your homework?" Sandy questioned.

"But I want to see Summer!"

"There'll be time for that later," Kirsten told her. "Go on."

Sophie crossed her arms, grumbling as she walked away from them. Sandy and Kirsten both turned their attention to Summer.

"Why don't we sit in the kitchen?" Sandy suggested.

Summer placed her bag on the ground, following them to the familiar kitchen. She could just remember the last time they had been there, all of them. She remembered sitting at the table with Logan in her lap, talking to Taylor and Kirsten about how everything was going.

It all seemed like a lifetime ago.

"You were going to back to Seth?" Kirsten questioned.

"I wanted to go back to my family," Summer replied softly. "I really did. I got off the plane, though, and I couldn't bring myself to see Seth. I can't do it. I came here instead."

"We're glad that you did." Sandy nodded his head, handing Summer a glass of water. "You have to see Seth eventually."

She knew this. She remembered his words on Thanksgiving. Christmas was two days away, meaning she only had two days to go to him for him to take her back. She didn't know if two days were enough.

"I have two days," she said.

"We're going there on Christmas," Kirsten told her. "You can come with us."

"You're going there for Christmas?" It had been their tradition to bring the kids to see their grandparents. It had been like that for the past few years and Summer had thought that it was always going to be like that.

"Thanksgiving was hard for Seth to get the kids here. We decided to go see him, make everything easier on him."

Summer nodded her head, unable to stop from feeling guilty. She was the reason that it had been so hard for him. If she had been there with him, it would have been so much easier for him.

She wished that everything could have been easier all those months ago.

"I'll go with you."

Sandy and Kirsten both looked at her. She could see the doubt in both of their eyes. She didn't really blame them for that look, because she even doubted herself at this point.

But she held firm with what she said. "I will."

* * *

Seth groaned as he heard the little feet pattering around the floor. He loved seeing the girls reactions when opening up their gifts, but really, the ridiculously early hour that they had to do it at was not something he loved.

"Up, Sethy!" Madeleine jumped on him, wide awake. Emma was close behind, grinning at him.

"Come on Daddy!"

"I'm coming." He looked at the clock. He had only fallen asleep an hour ago. He had been up the whole night, thinking about the ultimatum he had given Summer.

She hadn't called him. She hadn't made any notion that she was going to come home to him and their daughters.

This was going to be the hardest thing for him to ever accept. He didn't think that he would ever lose her.

He pulled himself out of the bed, both of his daughters grabbing his hands and pulling him along. He grinned at the two and how excited they were. His smile faltered for a minute when he realized that he was going to have to find how to break it to them that their mother wasn't coming home.

They got to the Christmas tree and Madeleine darted straight to her presents. She looked expectantly at her father, waiting for him to give them the go ahead to start opening them.

"Wait a minute, girls, let me make coffee."

"Daddy!" they whined together, pouting at him.

He gave into them, as he always did. "Fine, go ahead."

Madeleine grabbed a present and started to rip the paper off of it. Emma was still standing, looking at the tree.

"What's wrong, Em?"

"Mom's not here," she replied quietly. "I thought that she would be here."

Seth hugged his daughter tightly. "I thought she was going to be here too."

"It's what I asked Santa for." She paused, looking directly into her father's eye. "Santa's not real, is he?"

He couldn't answer that question. He couldn't take that away from her too.

"Santa might have been too busy to find your mom. That's why he didn't bring her for Chrismukkah."

Emma gave him a doubtful look, but seemed to accept this answer—for the time being at least. "Do you think I got the rest of the stuff I asked for from him?"

"I hope so," Seth muttered.

He was just trying to do the best that he could.

* * *

Summer wasn't sure what she was doing. She should have stayed in Providence. She should never come here.

She couldn't face Seth. She couldn't go back in that house.

Kirsten placed her hand on Summer's arm. "Are you all right?"

"I…I don't know if I can do this," Summer replied, her voice shaking. "I don't know if I can go back in there."

"I think that you have to," Kirsten told her softly. "Do you want to lose them forever?"

She shook her head because it was the last thing that she wanted. She needed to be brave about this.

She needed to do this.

* * *

"Emma, don't leave your new doll on the floor."

"It was Maddie!"

"Madeleine, don't leave your sister's doll on the floor."

"I didn't!" she exclaimed.

"Just…neither of you leave your dolls on the floor."

"Having a good day Seth?" Ryan questioned.

"Oh, isn't obvious how great my day is going? I haven't gone to sleep in two days."

He lowered his voice so no one else could hear their conversation. "Has she called?"

Seth shook his head. "No. I haven't heard from her. I don't expect her to show up at our door. Tomorrow, I'll call her and tell her that everything's over."

"Are you really going to be able to do that?"

"I can't keep living like this, Ryan. I can't go on each day thinking maybe she's going to come back. It's not the way I want to live my life anymore."

"Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa and Sophie are here." Emma ran over to him. "I see their car."

"I guess we should go out and help them inside, because knowing Mom, she brought enough food to feed an army with her," Seth said.

Ryan followed him outside, though he stopped in the doorway. Seth was about to ask why he stopped when he saw her.

Summer was standing next to the side of the car, staring directly at him. He couldn't believe that she was there, standing in front of their house. He blinked, trying to figure out if she was really there or not.

"Daddy? What's taking so long?" Emma pushed her way past Ryan, anxious to see her grandparents. Seth watched as her eyes widened, focusing on Summer.

"Mommy!" she darted down the driveway to her mother, throwing herself in her arms.

Seth watched the two reunite, Summer kissing her daughter and holding onto her tightly. He couldn't watch them anymore. He turned around and went back into the house.

* * *

Summer hugged Emma and never wanted to let her go. Seeing her hugging and kissing her made her realize how much she missed her little girls.

"Mommy I told Daddy that you were going to come home on Christmas! I told him! I was right!" Emma exclaimed proudly.

Summer didn't respond just hugged her daughter again. She looked up, expecting to see Seth still standing on the porch, but instead only say Ryan and Taylor, both standing in the doorway. She frowned; she knew that this wasn't going to be easy but a tiny part of her had tried to pretend that this wasn't true. It was though.

Of course it was. She wouldn't fool herself anymore.

She took a deep breath. She needed to go inside. Grabbing Emma's hand, she took a step towards the house, a step closer to trying to fix the mess that had been created.

The walk to the door of the house felt like it took hours when in reality it only took a few seconds. She looked at Ryan and Taylor, who were standing in the doorway still. They moved to the side, the only greeting she received was a quick hello.

"Mom, you have to see all of my presents that I got!" Emma pulled her mother into the house, bringing her back to everything she had left behind.

Everything was the same. Seth hadn't changed a thing in the time she was gone. All of their pictures were still there, every decoration. Every

It felt good to be home.

Even though she was home, there was still something that was missing. The one person that truly reminded her of the meaning of home.

Seth.

* * *

He was pacing across the bedroom floor. He didn't pace. Ever. It took far too much physical activity really and it just seemed like a waste of time.

He was pacing now though. He was confused and that was the only excuse he could come up with for why he was pacing.

She had come home. His wife had listened to what he had said. She had come home.

He didn't know how he felt about it. He knew that happy should have been one word that came to mind. It wasn't. Happiness at this situation was the last thing that he was feeling.

Hurt. Confused. Those were more words that he would use. He couldn't believe that she had come home. Everything was so complicated.

At least now, they would have a chance to work it out. If it was even able to be worked out. He didn't know anymore.

"Daddy?"

He stopped his pacing to look towards the door. Madeleine was standing, watching him pace, one of her new toys dangling from her hands.

"What is it, Maddie?" he questioned, walking over and bending down so that he was eye level with her.

Madeleine shrugged, looking confused. "Mommy's here."

"Yes, she is."

"Why?"

He had no clue how to explain this to his three year old when he couldn't quite explain it to himself. Was it because of the ultimatum that he had given her? Was it because she wanted to fix everything that had been broken? Or was there something else behind it all? He didn't have the answer.

"When I figure it out I'll tell you Madeleine," Seth muttered. He bent down so that he was eye level with her. "What toy do you have?"

She held out the doll that Seth spent an hour to find just because he knew how much she would like it. He was about to suggest they go down to the living room, when he saw a shadow from outside the door. He raised his eyes to see Summer walking tentatively towards the bedroom.

"Hi," she said softly crossing the threshold. She looked around hesitantly, closing her eyes for a brief moment. When she opened them, she looked down to see her daughter staring at her, as if she wasn't quite sure what to do with the fact that her mother was now home.

Seth watched the interaction between the two. It was brief; Madeleine hugged her mother when Summer held her arms out to her, then after that turned back to her father. "Can I play now?"

"Of course, Maddie," he replied, handing her back her doll before she darted out of the room, going to find her cousins and sister.

Now, they were alone.

In the past months that she had been gone, Seth had imagined this going many different ways. Sometimes they would kiss and everything would be fine. Other times, he would imagine them yelling at one another until they both couldn't speak another word.

Then, there was this, standing in silence together, neither knowing what to say to the other. He had always hoped that it would never start like this because he hated silence more than anything.

He raised his eyes to Summer, who was still staring at the door that Madeleine had just ran through. She turned her gaze to him and for a fleeting moment, their eyes met. He quickly lowered his eyes, not sure what else to do.

"Seth…I…" She was fumbling for words, most likely words of apology. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear those words. "…I came back."

Nodding his head, he sat down on the bed. "You did."

"I…I want us to go…to go back," she paused, moving closer to him. "I want us to be a family again."

"Did you really think it was going to be that easy?" He couldn't help but keep the anger from his voice. She hadn't been home in months and she was expecting to them to act as if she had never left.

"No," she replied, her voice sharp and determined. "I know it's not going to be easy. I want to try. I miss what we had, what we were before."

"I miss it too. But it's not going to be something that happens in a matter of days, Summer. I don't even know what I'm feeling, what I'm even thinking right now. I wasn't expecting you to come home."

Her eyes met his again and this time he noticed the hurt in them. "You thought I wasn't going to come home?"

He shrugged. "I don't know what I expect of you anymore."

The silence was back now. It was quickly replaced by loud footsteps on the staircase, Emma popping into the room. Seth noticed that Madeleine was trailing behind her, lugging her doll behind her. She didn't run right to her mother like Emma had.

"Mom, we have to give you your gift!" she exclaimed, looking over to her father. "Dad, where's Mom's gift?"

"I…I don't know, Em."

Emma frowned. "You don't know?"

"I'm sorry; it got mixed in with a bunch of other presents. I'm not sure where it went." He couldn't meet Summer's eyes, because he knew that she would immediately knew that he was lying to his daughter. "As soon as we find it we'll give it to her."

"Fine. You better find it soon." Her hand was on her hip, lips pressed tightly together. She looked like Summer more than ever before, especially with Summer standing right next to her. "Anyways, Grandma said it's time to eat. We're all really really hungry, so hurry up!"

"All right let's go eat," Seth said. He didn't say anything to Summer but they both knew that the talking would come later.

He grabbed Madeleine's hand and headed down the stairs, listening to Emma fill her mother in on everything that had happened in her life. She had missed her mother and for that, he was glad that she was home again.

Hearing Summer respond about everything made him realize that despite the fact that she had left them alone, he still loved her. He was almost positive he would never stop loving her. Seeing her in their home reminded him that she was his home; without her, really, he was nothing.

It was a matter of being able to move past everything that she had done, everything she had said. He didn't know what he was going to do. Even if he loved her, he wasn't sure if he could ever forget.


End file.
